Coping with the anorexic voice

Let me introduce myself – I am Jordan, a current third year trainee clinical psychologist at Cardiff University. I have an interest in early intervention and preventative approaches. I also spent a significant portion of my life struggling with an eating disorder and anorexic voice, which has led me to my interest in researching this area. I would like to tell you a little bit about this journey, and why I think this area is so important to understand.

Like many others, the onset of my eating disorder began in my teens, and plagued me for several years. Reflecting back on these experiences now, my relationship with my eating disorder, and the anorexic voice, changed drastically. At first it felt like a friend. Telling me how I could be better, look better, feel better if I only did what it said. I got a sense of a “high” from following its advice. It was a constant companion, always lingering in the background. At times, I could turn the volume of the voice down or even ignore it completely. What I didn’t realise was how over time, the anorexic voice began to take more and more control. I felt trapped and completely entwined with the voice. It was loud, it was demanding, it was nasty. It was no longer a friend, but a critical and scathing devil on my shoulder. It would constantly belittle me, yell at me, controlling what I could and couldn’t eat. It was misery. Lots of my memories from this time are hazy, but I remember the feelings. I remember feeling scared, I remember feeling overwhelmed, I remember feeling tired of fighting the voice in my head. I remember sitting and crying because I couldn’t fight against the voice any longer.

Now, it’s important to note that there is a positive end to this story. With lots of support and psychological therapy, I took back control from the voice and was able to recover. I have considered myself fully recovered from my eating disorder for several years. I have been able to learn from my experiences and move forward to work clinically with other individuals in distress. As a trainee clinical psychologist, I am on the path to helping other people in the way that I was helped.

And that is why this research is so important to me. Qualitative research with individuals with eating disorders has described the experience of the anorexic voice, reflecting exactly what I described above. The anorexic voice is perceived as becoming more malevolent, more powerful and louder over time (Tierney & Fox, 2010). The anorexic voice is also considered a major barrier to therapeutic interventions and impacts recovery rates.

By understanding how individuals may try and cope with this highly distressing experience, it informs our understanding of the anorexic voice and ultimately can help us improve therapeutic interventions. If we can pick apart what contributes to the change in the anorexic voice from caring and supportive to critical and powerful then we may be able to think about how we can lessen its impact and maybe stop it all together.

In order to do this, I have developed my large-scale research project to explore the impact of the ways of coping with the anorexic voice. I am looking for anyone over the age of 18 with current experience of the anorexic voice to take part. You do not need to have a formal diagnosis of an eating disorder, nor do you need to currently or have previously received treatment for your eating disorder. The study consists of two parts, the first is a series of questions that can be completed online and will take approximately 10 minutes.

If you are eligible for part 2, the researcher will contact you by email and invite you to complete some further questions and online tasks using Qualtrics and Zoom, taking about 20 minutes. This will help us to understand the impact of the ways individual try to cope with the anorexic voice. Participation is greatly appreciated!

If you have any further questions or would like to take part you can either email me at holtj2@cardiff.ac.uk or you can access part 1 directly through this link: https://cardiffunipsych.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_2fuszCv2OuszcPQ